Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
