Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
