it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
