How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
