I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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