dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
