I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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