I accidentally had phone sex last night
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
