i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
