my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
