He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
