My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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