you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
