Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
