Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
