You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Are my feet made of real feet?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
