You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
