Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
