in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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