There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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