Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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