This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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