I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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