I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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