I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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