my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
