So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
