she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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