Having a random hookup so left but love u
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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