I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
