i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
