I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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