we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
