did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
