Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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