I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
