I think my fart just growled at me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
