put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
