this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
