you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
