i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
