I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
