How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
