finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
