My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
