You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
