Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
