plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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