ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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