He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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