The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How does it feel to date your dad?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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