My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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