New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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