the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
