I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
