You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
