im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
