i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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